Dear Lord please heal our household....

First Jackson, then Jack, now Matty... All have had or have the stomach bug! I really want this out of our home... for good... by Monday would be AWESOME! I don't mean to sound selfish Lord, but Aaron and I have plans for our anniversary on Friday and I reeeeally need this time alone with him! Not to mention that Debbie and Aaron need to be able to work and I need to function properly myself... I haven't been feeling very functional (for lack of better word). Did I mention I reeeeally need some time with Aaron uninterrupted by our boys or his parents. No really I just  wanna be able to talk or even just watch a movie with him! I love him so much and I just miss him! I'm sorry if I'm rambling but I'm not real good with my words lately... I blame my meds, I hope this gets better soon! I love you Lord! Please heal my lil bubbers Matty and my Father in law, and keep the rest of us well Lord please! Thank you! :o)

Ah who cares...

For those few of you who read my blog, sorry its been awhile. I once again have been having some issues with my medication. Its either been the wrong medication or the wrong dosage. But we are still working on getting it right I am not giving up on it. I've been hurting a lot lately, emotionally. I can't explain it, there is not one thing that has actually happened to make me feel down I just do. I wish I COULD explain, believe me I do. I've been wondering a lot lately how people who cut or burn themselves could do it, and I wonder if I could and if would lessen my emotional pain? But then I say "Uh no I'm not that stupid"! I realize now that my choice of self punishment is to overeat. I tend to do it a lot when I am having one of my down days. It's a vicious cycle I know! I AM trying to change... that is why I am seeing a therapist. I ask for your prayers though! Today was a mighty low day and I just need the Lord to place his loving arms around me and lift me up! Thank you friends I love you all very much and am very thankful to God for you!

This CAN'T be right!?!?!

I GAINED 15lbs in ONE week!!! STUPID Abilify side effects... Counting weight gain, I have... 7 side efects so far! Weight gain, agitation, super boo hooey (emotional), leg jerks, blurred vision, lack o' sleep, weak or unusually tired, AND constipation! Oops 8 side effects actually! Lol
  Getting sleepy I will finish this 2morrow! B.Y.E!

What were YOU doing on 9-11-01???

I was a nanny for a couple who also happened to be Police Officers...

I was picking up one of my charges from preschool when I got a phone call from my big sister Stacy Monyhan. She called to see if I was okay. Sure?... why wouldn't I be??? "Haven't you been watching ANY t.v this morning???" she asked. Well yeah I have, but it was Barney and Zaboomafoo!

   And that's when she told me... Shortly after, my boss called to ask me if we were safely home and okay and also to ask that I NOT allow anymore t.v. that day so she could be the one to explain to her 2 boys what had happened to rock our world so terribly!

   My boss's husband was in the Army Reserves so after everything that happened he was activated and sent to the Pentagon to help with clean up there. I remember him being away for weeks at a time... His demeanor was so different when he came home... and why wouldn't it be??? It was a HORRIBLE time for America and especially the family's of ANYONE effected by this terrible thing. I remember getting him a welcome home card once. I can't remember what it said exactly, but the gist of it was "Harvey you are MY hero... Thanks for all you are doing".

   Well any way, that is how I remember one of America's worst if not THE WORST day ever!

This poem has always touched me...

Yesterday...

 

I LOVE this pic of me!!!

   I took this pic yesterday while I was waiting to go in to my Psychiatrist's office! Pics like this have been few and far between in my life... pics where I actually FEEL and BELIEVE I am as beautiful as people try to tell me that I am! I really DO think I am beautiful in this pic! 

   My appt. was to discuss how my new med. Abilify is working out for me...Well, aside from ALL the side effects it is AWESOME! I love the way it makes me feel! I just hope the lack of sleep, extra sweating, and blurry vision subsides... and SOON!!! I had a hard day with lack of energy, but I still got done what was "NEEDED" to get done! 

   Oh well I will just have to hang in there for as long as it takes. I WILL get well!

National Suicide Prevention Week,"Talk To Me" Shirts!

Here is MY  "Talk to Me" shirt...
I really am looking forward to seeing a response to this event! Suicide is a very serious topic! 

  I had thoughts of suicide on and off for my entire high school career... high school was really rough on me! Rougher than anybody could have probably picked up on! My life as a teen was I guess no harder than other teens, but to me... at the time... it was really hard. I was in NO way popular, and on top of feeling worthless, there was always some STUPID jerk right there to kick you while you were down... right in the gut... hard enough to knock whatever spunk you had, right outta ya! 

   I had SEVERAL of those people in my life. They probably don't have a clue how badly they were hurtful... but that was then, now funny thing is I am friends with a few of them on Facebook! 

   Lol, it's funny how life works out. My high school problems are long past, but in their stead I was left with a whole new world of issues... They are called "Adulthood"! I struggle daily with all the past thoughts of suicide or wishing that God would just take me away, it is painful to think about how weak I once was and... though very seldom... I still am! 
Once again thanks for letting me share!

It's just one o' THOSE days...

You know the ones I'm talking about??? You wake up and nothing is particularly wrong but for some reason you're just in a funk! Well today's funk is brought to ME by... once again... a lack o' sleep! Now when I say funk I mean it's a rainy day and I could do anything for no particular reason OR do nothing at all, like sit on the edge of my bed and stare out the window for an hour at a time... Please don't get me wrong my medicine IS working it's just that one of the side effects is trouble sleeping and I am still tweaking my bedtime routine and diet so that I may get more rest. I tell you NOW... I LOVE my new meds. Abilify is wonderful, but ... I dunno I guess I figured that since I was doing nothing, then I could write about nothing to you... my friends... because after friends are supposed to there thru thick and thin!!! Well wish me luck on getting OUT o' this funk, and I talk at y'all later this evening! Love ya!
P.S. Check out today's song of choice... I LOVE it! Lol